Determining Your Parent’s Personality Type: Challenges and Tips

Determining your parent’s personality type can actually be quite challenging, for several reasons. People’s go-to personality type label for their parents often seems to be one of the SJ personality types (which means ISTJ, ESTJ, ISFJ, or ESFJ.) Of course, this label declaration is typically accompanied by whining about the parent’s narrow-mindedness and strict nature, amongst other things. However, are all these instances actually what they claim to be? I’m not so sure.

Children see their parents through a very specific lens. It can be difficult to take a step back, and gain an objective perspective on one’s parents. My aim in this article is to share a few thoughts to consider if you want to type your parents accurately. So, without further ado, see below for the “Determining Your Parent’s Personality Type: Challenges and Tips”, or as it’s more affectionately known in head, “Is Your Parent Really an SJ?”

4 Challenges When Determining Your Parent’s Personality Type

There are multiple factors to keep in mind when analyzing your parents. I’ll cover each as best as I can, and provide suggestions whenever possible.

1. Parenting is a job

Ryan and I often talk about various factors that influence the way someone’s personality type manifests. One such factor involves the roles we are required to play, like in, for instance, in a job or career choice. Certain jobs necessitate the development of certain personality attributes or skills, which may make someone’s personality type manifest in a non-stereotypical way. These developments may not be our natural preference, but they can become useful tools. (During my MBTI certification class, this was emphasized as well. One’s true personality type is found outside of any adopted roles.)

Parenting is no different.

Parents have to do what’s best for their children, which may mean acting in ways that they wouldn’t otherwise act. This will be covered more in future points, but the bottom line is that to determine a parent’s personality type, you’re going to have to figure out who they are outside the role they play as your parent.

2. Rules are required

Enforcing rules does not automatically make one’s parent an SJ. Granted, if you were given a Sheldon Cooper manual of dos and don’ts, perfectly organized and color-coded, that may mean something. However, generally speaking, all parents impose rules and boundaries on their children. Some do this to a greater degree than others, but it happens nonetheless. Of course, children don’t always understand why those rules are in place, so they may just see an unfair, unjust authoritarian. I, personally, grew up with TP parents. In spite of that, there were still plenty of rules and consequences for breaking those rules.

3. All children need consistency

Consistency is another one of those things that children need from the time they are born. From consistency springs routines. Of course, human beings are creatures of habit anyway. So, households typically have certain routines that everyone settles into, and that parents may even enforce, depending on the specifics. This is another scenario where routines and consistency can’t solely be traits of SJs. Parents naturally adopt these when filling their role. Of course, as mentioned in the previous point, the degree varies from person to person, and some parents struggle with it more than others.

4. Parents are supposed to prepare their children to succeed in the world

Of course, parents do this in different ways, but generally speaking, it will not only be the SJ types that push choosing a practical, stable career path. Any parent of any personality type, after living in the real world, may discourage their children from dedicating their time to what the parent perceives as fruitless. Any personality type can be “close-minded” once they’ve made their mind up about something. Parents often believe they know what’s best for their children, even when that child is an adult.

4 Tips To Help Determine Your Parent’s Personality Type

So, now that I’ve covered the difficulties involved in typing your parents, or ways in which their personality type can seem different from what it is, I’m going to share ways to actually gain useful, type-able information.

1. Get an objective look at their parenting style

Since all parents do things different, and certain personality types will trend different ways, it can be useful to take stock of other households. Essentially, compare the environment you grew up in to other family environments. Ask your friends, extended family members, etc. You could even ask your parents what type of environment they grew up in. Is/was yours as structured or strict as you perceived it to be? You could possibly research parenting styles as well, and see if there’s some useful insight to be gained there.

2. What values do your parents emphasize?

I’m not talking about things like politics or religious beliefs. Each personality type is prone to valuing certain things. Back when I wasn’t as informed on personality theory, one thing that helped me peg my dad was how much he pushed independence and independent thinking. My siblings and I were always encouraged to not be reliant on our parents. When we were older, my dad enjoyed debating with us, to a certain degree, and would get our opinions on things for the sake of discussion.

I’ve seen Fe households emphasize family-centric attitudes. They assume everyone will gather on set dates, or drop whatever they have going on, when asked, to show up for the family. FJ parents typically encourage the family unit to remain physically close together, like a clan, even when the children have grown and moved out.

Maybe in a future article, I’ll provide more examples on how personality type influences parenting style.

3. Ask for childhood stories

Of course, it doesn’t have to be stories from their childhood specifically. Personal stories from their past, no matter the exact timeframe, will do. Remember, your goal is to learn about who your parents are or were outside of parenthood. Hearing stories about their past could definitely provide insight into your parent’s default preferences, which is ultimately what’s going to determine their personality type. You could also ask other people who have known your parents for a long time.

4.  Try to figure out their strengths and weaknesses

If you can observe your parents objectively, try to note what they’re good at it, and what they’d rather not have to do. If your home has/had two parents, comparing them might be useful, since each parent will likely take on the role within the family that plays closest to their strengths. Which one was responsible for the structure and consistency? Which one was more chaotic? Did you have a spontaneous parent? An extraverted one? A reserved one? If it’s an option, you could always approach your parents like you’re interviewing them and see what they’re willing to tell you.

In Conclusion…

Honestly, it’ll probably be easier to figure out your parent’s personality type if you’re a fully independent adult, and can interact with them as such. Once you understand the demands of life, it may be easier to see your parents more objectively, and recognize who they really are. As a teenager, I wasn’t sure if my mom was an ISTJ or an ISTP, because she provided the day-to-day structure in our household. (She also spent some time in the military.) Later, I was able to see her clearly as an ISTP. (Of course, a deeper understanding of the cognitive functions helped with that as well.)

I hope something I said in this article was helpful. If you’re reading this and have successfully typed your parents, what worked for you? Anything I didn’t mention? Feel free to share in the comments!