8 ESFJ Stereotypes

ESFJs have a lot of negative stereotypes associated with them. Unfortunately, that’s often the case with sensors and SJs specifically. (Check out Bias and Misconceptions: How NJs Stole Perception from the SJs) ESFJs probably have the least amount of representation in the MBTI community, along with the ESTJs, because ESFJs who are into personality theory usually mistype as something else. After all, why would an ESFJ identify as such when so many people define ESFJs by either unhealthy tendencies or generally negative attributes? That’s why I believe it’s important to write in-depth, stereotype-busting articles.

So, What is a Stereotype?

People can be very quick to accuse something of being a stereotype, so perhaps we should define what a stereotype actually is. Well, a stereotype is a “a standardized mental picture that is held in common by members of a group and that represents an oversimplified opinion, prejudiced attitude, or uncritical judgment” (https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/stereotype).

In short, a stereotype is an oversimplified generalization of a particular personality type. Not well-thought-out. In personality theory, stereotypes can be trends that people have observed about certain personality types, but they can also be misconceptions that have been popularized for some reason or another. Perhaps someone had a few negative experiences with ESFJs, and then transposed the negative traits from that ESFJ onto all ESFJs. Either way, the point is that stereotypes can true, and stereotypes can be false, depending on the scenario. That’s why it’s important to address them.

8 ESFJ Stereotypes

Cognitive functions (which are the building blocks of the 16 personality types) define thought processes, which influence our behavior and the skills that we decide to foster. Below, I’m going to address each of the common stereotypes that I’m aware of, and explain how they may or may not tie back to the ESFJ’s cognitive functions. Some ESFJs may relate to the stereotypes that I’m about to go over. However, others may not. Either way, these stereotypes should not be used as the basis for identifying someone as an ESFJ.

1. ESFJs are the “Mom” friend

ESFJs are known for being the “mom friend”, or the person that assumes a caregiver role amongst their friend group. Ultimately, this ESFJ stereotype has to do with the caring and nurturing nature that’s associated with high Extraverted Feeling (Fe). In an effort to look out for their friends, some ESFJs (regardless of gender) might say things reminiscent of what a mom might say to her child. However, this is a trend, not a guarantee. Some ESFJs may not be assertive enough to, for instance, force you to take care of yourself, while others might have more of a harmony focus, not wanting to push their will onto others.

2. ESFJs are always traditional

SJs, no matter which one, are constantly described as a traditional. For the ESFJ, people often think of the hyper-religious, stay-at-home mother, like Mary Cooper from Young Sheldon. (She’s pretty much the stereotypical ESFJ in almost every respect.) However, traditions are relative to the individual, not necessarily society as a whole. In other words, while high Si users like the ESFJ are traditional, that doesn’t mean that they’ll follow the societal traditions of the day. After all, some ESFJs won’t be raised in a way that is considered traditional, while others may have bad experiences with such traditions and break away. Either way, they’ll adhere to what their internal sensory impression (or Si) dictates, which will become tradition for them but might not be tradition for anyone else.

Related Article: ISTJ Stereotypes: Rules and Traditions

3. ESFJs are the “Karens”

If you’re not familiar with what being a “Karen” means, it is “used to refer to a middle class woman who is perceived as entitled or excessively demanding” (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Karen_(slang)). Essentially, the notion that the ESFJ personality type is excessively judgmental and overbearing can be wrapped up into this stereotype. In my opinion, this stereotype has very little basis in reality. Plenty of other personality types could be Karens, and any personality type like this would be unhealthy or extreme. Certainly, an ESFJ could take this route, constantly trying to fix perceived issues in society in an abrasive way. However, as mentioned earlier, ESFJs that are more harmony-oriented or timid will not be comfortable with this behavior.

4. ESFJs are at the center of all the gossip

This ESFJ stereotype comes from the idea that Fe users like to know everything there is to know about other people, including the “juicy” gossip. There is some truth to it, in the sense that many FJs are interested in hearing about others, but that doesn’t necessarily guarantee that they’ll partake in gossip in a negative sense. In addition, other personality types can be just as interested in gossip. There are only a few personality types that are specifically known for not being interested in gossip.

5. ESFJs are the popular girls

ESFJs are often associated with the mean and snobby popular girl in high school. However, there are a couple of things wrong here, starting with the fact that not all ESFJs will be socially extraverted (or girls, for that matter). Sure, ESFJs are known for seeking out a group or a community, but that doesn’t mean they’ll be popular or influential. Of course, it also doesn’t mean they’ll be mean and snobby, but that should go without saying. The aforementioned high school stereotype in particular is actually not always an ESFJ anyway. The ETJs are just as likely as the EFJs to put themselves in that role, as a means to achieve power and influence. I wouldn’t completely rule out other personality types as well, although an extravert would be most likely.

6. ESFJs are dumb and shallow

I shoved these two together, because there’s not much to say about either. One is the “all feelers are dumb” stereotype, while the other is “all sensors are shallow.” Of course, both are wrong, and both are a major source of mistyping. I know ESFJs in STEM-based career fields, who are both intelligent and successful. And, for the record, intuitives are just as likely as sensors to be shallow. Being shallow is a character flaw, not a trait specific to any particular group of personality types.

Related Article: Why Do Sensors Mistype As Intuitives?

7. ESFJs are manipulative

The tendency to manipulate is often associated with FJs. There is some truth to it, because Fe used for evil tends to excel at emotional manipulation. However, that doesn’t mean that all ESFJs will manipulate those around them. After all, there’s a moral aspect to this. Some ESFJs might be manipulative, doing it out of a desire to get their way or a desire to help you do what’s best for you. On the other hand, other ESFJs might have strong moral boundaries and not partake in such behavior. Everyone is different.

Related Article: The Fe Villain: ISFJ/INFJ/ESFJ/ENFJ

8. ESFJs are rigid and routined

I’m not sure if this is an ESFJ stereotype, persay, but I’ve seen it assumed multiple times, so I’d like to address it. ISJs tend to be very routine-based, desiring a predictable and consistent life. This ties into their inferior Ne. However, ESFJs are extraverts, and have tertiary Ne. In my experience, some ESFJs try to settle into consistent patterns and routines, but find themselves easily derailed. Perhaps they’re constantly needed by others, so they break pattern all the time. Perhaps they jump onto the newest fad diet, settle into it temporarily, and then find a newer and better one a few months later. That tertiary Ne in ESFJs is more prominent than some people might think, which is why many ESFJs end up mistyping as ENFPs or ESFPs.