3 Reasons Adults Struggle To Find Their Personality Type

Personality theory attracts all kinds and ages, and every individual has their own unique struggles with finding their personality. Although, some people might have no problems whatsoever, landing on their personality type in mere minutes after taking their first personality test. This article that I’m writing today is specifically about some struggles that I’ve noticed adults have, what causes them, and my thoughts on how to find your true personality type.

Wait. Don’t You Have To Be An Adult To Find Your Type?

Of course, it’s commonly believed that the most reliable age to type yourself is as an adult, because only adults have fully come into their personality. Kids are still developing, right? To be honest, I don’t really agree with that stance. Obviously, typing young children is unreliable, but teenagers are a different story. Sometimes, it is more reliable to type an adult than a teenager. However, there are situations where it is not at all true, and it’s much easier to type a teenager. Every situation is different.

Why Could It Be Easier to Type a Teenager?

The teenage years, for many people, is the freest time to just be themselves. The weight of responsibility hasn’t been fully dropped onto their shoulders yet. (I’m aware that this isn’t true for everyone, so don’t nitpick.) During this time, many teenagers are purer examples of their personality, and by pure, I mean heavily imbalanced. Their top two cognitive functions (dominant and auxiliary) are very obviously running the show, unhindered by the lower ones. However, once all that responsibility kicks in, once that individual is put into a position where it’s either make money or die, maturity really begins (hopefully). When people begin maturing, the less developed cognitive functions start developing.

Struggle #1: Adulthood Forces Cognitive Development

I’m not a statistics person, and I haven’t looked at all the numbers. But, I have read that the tertiary function starts developing in the early 20s. For me personally, this was true. During my teenage years, I was entirely convinced and certain that I was an ISTP. No doubts. No questioning. In my opinion, I was a pretty obvious example of one. I was probably as close as someone could get to being pure Ti-Se. However, shortly after entering adulthood, I started honing in on my lower intuition function, and questioning if I had actually been an intuitive all that time.

I’ve seen other people talk about how their personality seemed to change once reaching adulthood. There can be a couple of different reasons for that. For instance, a childhood which forced someone to suppress themselves could lead to their true personality type not fully manifesting, or fully expressing itself, until they achieve freedom. (This suppressed state could mean a loop, or a grip, or just a muted version of themselves.) However, for those with the default starting combo of dominant and auxiliary, adulthood simply brings the tertiary function into play, shifting it up into consciousness. This third addition or dimension doesn’t discount the original teen typing, but it may cause an adult to struggle to identify their true cognitive preferences, thus choosing the wrong personality type.

Struggle #2: Life Sometimes Forces Us To Wear A Different Hat

In the ideal scenario, everyone gets a job perfectly catered to their preferred cognitive functions. Typically, that’s what everyone is looking for, a job that enhances their natural strengths. Some people manage to get that, while others do not. Of course, even those who do find the perfect job may learn that they still may need to draw upon other facets of their personality to succeed. In other words, you might have an ENFP who starts to naturally draw upon tertiary Te to achieve greater success with their Ne-Fi, or you may have an ENFP unwillingly forced to dip into their inferior Si in order to survive. Some people feel particularly catered to their work, while others feel like it runs counter to who they naturally are. I imagine someone being forced into developing a function that they’re not ready to develop yet (or rely on a function that is currently weak) would end up stressed out constantly, feeling like they have to be a totally different person.

Some people lose track of who they are when life forces them to wear a different hat. Some adults struggle with remembering their true cognitive preferences after being trapped so long in a state that demands the use of a lower function. That aforementioned ENFP might believe themselves to be an ENTJ, because they’ve developed their Te rather well, or at least perceive themselves to have developed it well. It’s not uncommon for people to over-identify with their tertiary function.

Struggle #3: Disconnecting From Yourself in Parenthood

Hop onto to Reddit and go see how everyone is typing their parents. You’ll learn rather quickly that most people believe their parents to some type of SJ. Of course, what are SJs known for? Being responsible, consistent, routine-oriented, rigid and inflexible. All the things that a parent typically has to be when raising their children. Children need consistency, boundaries, protection, rules, routine, and reliability. Naturally, every parent has their own style, so the degree to which they provide these things and implement them varies. However, it doesn’t change the fact that becoming a parent can be an overwhelming responsibility, which ultimately requires the parent to alter their behavior for the sake of the child. For an actual SJ, perhaps some of these behaviors will come naturally and not a lot of change, from a personality standpoint, is necessary. I’m just speculating, though. Perceivers, however, often need to buckle down, and become more structured than they’re otherwise used to being. But this isn’t the only way parenthood might disconnect someone from themselves.

Parenthood is exhausting, especially the early years, the baby phase. Being in a state of exhaustion often causes people to minimize their life, in order to conserve energy. Essentially, an ESFP parent might be running on low power, and start to look like an ISFP. All their attention and what little energy they have goes to the kids, and they cease to extravert like they typically would. This may be doubly so in the case of isolation, when a mother is staying home all day with her young children. Of course, this same principle can apply to someone with chronic health issues, who’s not necessarily a parent. Basically, any state forcing you to withdraw or pull back for survival (shall we say) can cause you to disconnect from yourself. These states often create unhealthy manifestations of someone’s personality type.

The Solution?

It’s important, when trying to identify your personality type, that you pay attention to the big picture. You can’t always type yourself based on who you are now. You have to remember what came first, and what state is your preferred state.

Questions To Ask Yourself

– What was I like as a teenager?
– What was I like when I had the freedom to be me?
– What situations in my life forced me to be something that I wasn’t otherwise?
– What situations changed me?
– Is my current state a healthy/preferable one?