Personality Theory: Dos and Don’ts

There are correct ways to approach personality theory, and incorrect ways. Unfortunately, so many people approach and utilize personality theory in the wrong way to such a degree that I often see people, the people who might use the theory the right way, give up on it altogether out of frustration or cynicism. After all, if you primarily see personality theory associated with toxic people or toxic behaviors, why would you want to look deeper? Why would you want to waste your time with it?

To clarify, this article is relevant to any personality system: Myers-Briggs. Socionics. Any other 16 Types variant. Enneagram. Big Five. Etc. Whatever personality theory you subscribe to (and however you prefer to name it), this article applies.

The Personality Theory Don’ts

1. Don’t be the ‘type police’

A lot of people, whilst traversing the online typology communities, like to declare everyone to be mistyped. They get it in their head that it’s somehow their job or mission to correct everyone else’s flawed understanding of themselves, and tag said mistype with whatever personality type they feel is more accurate based on their shallow understanding of that person. Please remember that online behavior often brings out a different side of people, and people are extremely complex. They don’t always exemplify the stereotypical version of their personality type. (This topic is covered more in depth here: Why Don’t I Fit My Personality Type Description?) Be careful not to assume that you know someone better than they know themselves.

Naturally, some people truly are mistyped, and it’s fairly obvious. However, it rarely does any good to berate someone with accusations of being mistyped. They need to come to that conclusion themselves. After all, everyone is on their own journey of self-discovery. Beating them over the head with your opinion often only causes them to dig their heels in deeper, and refuse to pay you any mind in the future. If everyone is closed off to hearing your opinion, then it can’t really do any good.

2. Don’t use one personality system to skew the results of another

To clarify, it’s perfectly fine to type yourself within multiple systems to create an in-depth, detailed picture of yourself (or someone else). The issue I see typically happens when someone is biased toward a certain personality type, for whatever the reason. They may have already strongly identified with that type, or they may strongly desire to be that type, etc. There can be several different reasons. Either way, I’ll see them use a different personality system to account for all the many ways they don’t fit their personality type in another system. That always raised red flags in my mind. It’s important to approach each system independently in order to ensure that you get an accurate result. I dive further into this subject in this article: Misusing Personality Systems.

3. Don’t limit people’s potential

I tend to dislike associating things like career fields with certain personality types. I understand that there are trends, and I’m not going to dismiss that. However, I often see people try to place limitations on certain types based on the trends. Sure, you can recognize certain general strengths that each personality type has and use it as an indicator as to what fields they might excel in. For instance, it’s valid to recognize that you inherently struggle with details, and thus wouldn’t thrive in a profession that requires too much attention to detail. However, when you’re limiting humanitarian fields to the feelers, or cerebral fields to the NTs, or sports to the SPs, you’re essentially encouraging people to make life decisions based on stereotypes. Remember, cognitive functions do not determine skills.

People often excel in whatever career gives them purpose or summons the most motivation from them. Different things motivated different people. Figure that out, and then choose your career.

4. Don’t box people into certain character attributes

Each personality system has certain core determinants, which are critical to the foundation of the theory. Obviously, those are whatever they are, so personality systems of any kind are going to “box” you in to certain things. However, I find people often get too liberal with this… or perhaps overly specific. For instance, to qualify as an NP, you must be quirky and humorous. Perceivers can’t be responsible. SJs will always be stuck in the past. Enneagram 9s will never engage in conflict, OR if you’re any level of conflict avoidant, you must be an Enneagram 9. Etc.

Personality theory is supposed to help cultivate personal growth. If you limit growth by permanently trapping people into certain shallow or toxic behaviors, what’s the point?

5. Don’t use type as an excuse for toxic behavior

People love a good excuse to keep acting the way they want to act. For instance, thinkers like to claim the right to act like jerks, because apparently being a thinker means you can’t be a decent human being. (Feel my sarcasm.) Another one is NPs whining about they’re too lazy or distractible to accomplish anything. (For the record, high Ne doesn’t make you automatically lazy or ineffective in the real world.) Please don’t use your personality type as an excuse or justification to remain the same.

Instead…

The Personality Theory Dos

1. Do: Use personality theory for self-discovery

Personality theory provides systems through which to analyze yourself and others. One major benefit of this is increasing your understanding of yourself. Personality theory often helps people recognize their strengths, weaknesses, motivations, etc. (This varies slightly depending on which personality theory.) However, some people just want to focus on the good, so they can feel better about themselves. Remember: you can’t truly understand yourself if you turn a blind eye to your negatives.

2. Do: Use personality theory for personal growth

A lot of people get into personality theory when they’re in a rut, or at a low point. They use personality theory as a means to find a way out. That’s a good thing. If you can identify your weaknesses, you can learn to improve them. If you can identify your main drivers, you can rediscover motivation. If you can discover the ways in which you sabotage yourself, you can improve your life going forward. Don’t learn your personality type and then stop at that. Use it to cultivate growth.

3. Do: Use personality theory to better understand others

Everyone is different. What’s natural to you may be the opposite of natural to someone else. Sometimes, it’s easier to accept a different perspective if you can better understand the person it’s coming from. Sometimes, you can be more forgiving of a person’s weaknesses if you recognize that their weakness is just as natural to them as yours is to you. I think people get it in their head that their negative behavior isn’t so bad, while someone else’s slightly different negative behavior is the worst thing ever. That’s really not fair.

4. Do: Use personality theory to better communicate with others

We also all have different communication needs. Some people unintentionally come off a bit harsher. I’m not trying to justify mean behavior, but there are people who are naturally kind of blunt in spite of having the best of intentions. Some people require more detail or context than others. Different people value different types of information. Understanding the various ways people communicate can help you to either cater your communication style, or be more forgiving and accepting of communication styles that are slightly different than your own.

In conclusion…

Most typology communities really frustrate me because I often see more people using personality theory in a negative way than in a positive way. If people could really get a hold of the dos, perhaps personality theory could gain some actual legitimacy, and not be immediately dismissed by those who could potentially benefit from it.