5 Extraverted Feeling (Fe) Stereotypes

To continue on with the series, today I’m going to cover some common Extraverted Feeling, or Fe, stereotypes. (I’m determined to finish this series!) If you’re interested in reading previous function-based stereotype articles, check out 6 Extraverted Thinking (Te) Stereotypes, 6 Introverted Feeling (Fi) Stereotypes, 7 Extraverted Intuition (Ne) Stereotypes, 7 Introverted Thinking (Ti) Stereotypes, and 8 Extraverted Sensing (Se) Stereotypes. (Just two left after this one!)

Extraverted Feeling, like all of the other functions, has quite a few stereotypes associated with it. Many seem rather unfair or misleading, which is why I find discussing the rationale behind these stereotypes to be so important. It’s almost as if Fe users are described as either being completely dependent and helpless, or the most caring, altruistic people on the planet. Extremes abound. I’m going to try to present a more balanced perspective in this article. Of course, before we get into this, we need to go over some basics…

What is Extraverted Feeling (Fe)?

Extraverted Feeling, or Fe, is an extraverted judging function which is concerned with ordering one’s social environment. That’s why it’s “extroverted judging”. Decisions, or judgement calls, are made with the intention of maintaining order with one’s social environment, which of course can mean different things to different users. Fe users tend to desire harmony, acceptance, and group consensus, as a by-product of their desire to have an ordered social environment.

Who are the Fe users?

The Fe users are any FJ type, which means ISFJ, INFJ, ESFJ, and ENFJ. For the purpose of this article, I’m not including the lower Fe users, which are the TPs. This article really only applies to the high Fe users. The TPs will be afflicted by a completely different set of stereotypes since Ti is essentially an opposite to Fe, a yin and yang relationship, so to speak.

Disclaimer

Before I get into this, I want to give a quick disclaimer. Stereotypes do exist for a reason. Many are tendencies that have been converted into absolutes, provoking people to mistype. Some people will relate to these stereotypes, and that’s not necessarily a bad thing. (Obviously, that depends on which stereotype.) However, there may also be a significant number of individuals out there who do not relate to the stereotypes. This article is primarily being written for the benefit of those individuals, to help clear up confusion and doubts. However, anyone looking to deepen their understanding of Fe can certainly benefit from this article, and hopefully will. My desire is for people to understand the core attributes of Fe, rather than just focusing on some stereotypical ways in which it can surface.

The Stereotypes

1. Fe users are doormats

Since Extraverted Feeling has a natural focus on the emotions in one’s external environment, Fe users are often described as being excessively concerned with the emotions of others to the extent that they literally can’t say ‘no’ to anyone ever. They get described as push overs, unable to stand up for themselves, always yielding to whatever everyone else wants in an endless desire to please.

While some Fe users are like this, it is most certainly not an innate characteristic of all FJ types. Socially extraverted or bold Fe users are able to command the social environment, while the more introverted ones can be confident enough to decline anything that stretches them too thin. When an Fe user is an extreme pushover, it is the result of other factors like low self-esteem or perhaps underdeveloped Introverted Thinking (Ti), which is the lower thinking function of all FJ types. Ti is what allows an Fe user to check in with themselves, recognize their limitations, and make judgement calls based purely on their own understanding.

2. Fe users always focus on harmony and never cause conflict

This stereotype exists for the same reasons as described in the previous point. However, it is simply not true. While Fe users are usually harmony focused, if they’re healthy individuals, it is not a guarantee that they’ll create harmony in a way that is desirable. As with any personality type, Fe users are capable of lashing out at others, due to being in a bad mood, under extreme stress, and etc. In addition, sometimes the group-focused nature of an Fe user can cause them to turn on others. This can be for a positive reason such as protecting their social group from an outsider, or it can be for a purely selfish reason, such as jealousy. They can cause someone to get unfairly exiled or shunned, due to their own hurt feelings, insecurities, desires for revenge, and etc. I’m certainly not saying that all FJs will do this, but they are capable of it.

3. Fe users can’t think critically for themselves

Since Fe users are harmony driven, it can cause some to keep a lot of opinions to themselves in an effort to not ruffle feathers. They’ll focus on finding common ground rather than emphasizing differences. Due to this and the group-oriented nature of Fe, it is sometimes believed that Fe users will literally adopt the beliefs and opinions of whatever group they are in. As with point #1, if an Fe user is like this, it is the result of other factors such as low self-esteem or underdeveloped Introverted Thinking (Ti). Fe users are more than capable of holding opinions that do not align completely with the group. Although, an Fe user that feels too out of place will eventually seek out a new social group.

4. Fe users are always selfless, and focused on your best interests

Some of these points may seem redundant, but there is some nuance here that I’m trying to draw out. In the case of this one, there’s a belief that Fe users can’t be selfish, and that they’ll always be looking out for what’s best for you. However, that’s an unrealistic standard for anyone. In reality, sometimes FJs will blend what they think is best for you with what is best for them. For instance, a mother who doesn’t want to be separated from her children may push a viewpoint of what she thinks is best for them which also happens to fulfill that basic requirement. The FJ may truly believe that they’re doing what’s best for the other person, failing to realize that they’ve lost objectivity, or they may be fully aware of their own selfish motivations (but masking them).

A similar thing you might encounter is an Fe user objectively determining what would be best for someone, and then pushing that opinion, failing to realize that it may not be best for that specific individual. With either this scenario or the previous, what you’ll find is that the Fe user will tend to frame their reasoning in such a way that it sounds you-focused. For example, “I’m just trying to help you.”

5. Fe users are fake

Extraverted Feelers are known for mirroring their social environment, which is related to their desire for harmony, social order, and/or group-acceptance. The extent to which they do this is sometimes taken to an extreme. Fe users will be described as fake, never truly acting in an authentic manner due to their desire to fit in or be accepted. They’ll essentially be described as becoming whatever the group wants them to be, possibly even lying or manipulating to gain favor and acceptance. Of course, as mentioned, this is an extreme.

Some Fe users can become this extreme. However, the average Fe user is not that displaced from their own identity. They’ll give ground where it doesn’t matter in order to keep the peace, but they won’t claim values counter to their own, nor alter their opinions for the benefit of someone else. As mentioned in a previous point, they’ll just tend to not focus on their differences or what makes them unique, preferring to find common ground with those around them.