Inferior Fe from the Mind of an ISTP

I’ve gotten several questions about inferior Fe over the past few months. I was a bit hesitant to write an article directly related to my experiences, but the goal of this blog is to promote an accurate understanding of the cognitive functions, so I’m going to bite the bullet. I suppose this could also be called “My Struggles as an ISTP”, but even though my other functions will leak through, I’m trying to specifically focus on my inferior function here. For the record, I’m not qualified to write something similar about the other inferior functions, since this is more personal rather than technical. SO, if anyone reading this wants to submit an article about their relationship with their own inferior function, email us your article (along with your type) and we will consider posting it on this blog. Of course, the author will get credit for the article and a link back to any site/blog that they run themselves. (Your submission doesn’t have to be as long as mine.) But anyways, on to the point of this article…

My Inferior Fe

My feeling function sucks. (A good way to start, right?) Seriously. It does. For starters, I’m not very aware of myself. I subconsciously absorb other people’s opinions of me and associate those opinions with my identity, a fact that I realized somewhere in my late teens. As far as I’m concerned, I am whoever people see me to be. To me, that’s logic. Growing up, people constantly joked that I was evil or mean so that is what I believed… until the day a new set of people said otherwise and threw me into a state of shock. I remember thinking about it for weeks, and ultimately realizing that I was actually nice most of the time.

I prefer to avoid situations where there are a lot of unspoken social rules. I neither enjoy nor feel confident in my ability to navigate them. I am hyper aware of the social atmosphere and people’s reactions, but that doesn’t mean I know how to act or respond appropriately. In fact, I don’t trust myself. I have no problem sitting in a general state of apathy, refusing to yield to social pressure, bluntly telling someone ‘no’, arguing if I feel justified in doing so, expressing anger or disagreement,  and etc. I used to march right into my boss’ office and argue with him regularly. However, when I feel like it’s important for me to care about harmony or social convention, I end up sweating the small stuff, so to speak. Whenever I have to go somewhere with a dress standard, I worry about what is appropriate, and end up relying on others to interpret things like “semi-formal”. I always hated costume parties since I would be judged based on my choice. I would rather just be told what to wear. I also always hated opening gifts in front of people cause I struggle to give them the response that they want, and as a result, I end up internally stressing out. (Of course, I can’t allow myself to display any of this – I keep my expression level or cheerful.)

My Fe usually ends up relegated to acting as my personal filter: to prevent me from saying or doing the wrong things around people whom I’d rather not be in conflict with (or to handle damage control when I mess up). Sometimes, my mind will get into a state where I analyze every single word before it leaves my mouth out of fear of how others might react. Sometimes it’s easier to just not speak. I have literally been faced with scenarios in the past where an inability to gauge whether or not someone was joking resulted in me freezing up, while my brain got stuck in a loop, analyzing the two possible scenarios. I realized recently that this is why I like socializing through activity. My mind will be distracted enough so that words can flow freely. Sometimes, as an insomniac, I actually get so tired that my Fe shuts off completely. It’s a very freeing experience that I occasionally wish was my normal state… but then again, maybe I don’t cause then everyone would probably hate me, and I guess I don’t really want that.

I have never liked standing out, even as a kid. I prefer to dress somewhat plainly. I like to stay under the radar. Sure, I want recognition for my actions and want to be known as an intelligent, competent person, but I’ve never liked the spotlight. I’ve always been more of a work-behind-the-scenes type of person. I never raised my hand in class, even when I knew the answer. Sometimes I even pretended like I didn’t know the answer. I was smart, but I never wanted to be the first to finish the big exam, because I wasn’t interested in anyone seeing me as the smartest person in class. I would literally wait until a few people had finished before turning mine in. I secretly like compliments, but I am not at all comfortable receiving them. It’s an overall awkward experience. Once I reluctantly admitted to Ryan that it would be nice if people knew it was my birthday, but then I instantly regretted it when everyone started singing to me. Apparently, I’m incapable of knowing what I actually want.

I am not an emotionless robot. I smile. I laugh. I joke. I smirk. I glare. However, deep emotions are a different story, and I prefer to shove them back into a dark corner of mind, and hide them from view. I can get along with most people I encounter. I can be encouraging and friendly, but to express anything emotionally deep is incredibly awkward and rare for me. When I get it into my head to share some personal thought or feel provoked to emotionally vent to someone, it doesn’t take much to dissuade me from doing so. One little interruption or question could be all it takes to make me pause, doubt myself/overthink, and then revert back to a state of aloofness or emotional lock down. I hate crying in front of anyone, even close friends and immediate family. As far as I’m concerned, crying at best gets in the way of what I’m trying to say. I rarely do it, and it is incredibly embarrassing. I just want to hide in those moments away from any prying eyes, and come back later when I’m thinking straight.

I don’t like being around people that are going to stare at me or look directly into my eyes when I’m trying to express emotion. It’s too intense and awkward. I’d rather the conversation be casual or laid back, and not hyper focused on me and my feelings. Maybe this is where the well known ISTP and INFP conflict comes into play. Fi doms are trying to make deep, emotional connections… and it’s not that I don’t want this. I do. I just really struggle when my feelings become a focal point or are questioned. If I feel any kind of pressure, I’ll freeze up and detach from the situation, thus ending the potential for a deep conversation. A big part of the problem is that I have a hard time understanding what I am feeling. I have to get completely alone, block out the entire world, and just think. I can have an emotional bomb dropped on me one day, feel completely fine at first, and not have it hit me until a day or two later. This has confused those close to me. I have been involved in arguments or discussions with someone who was determined to get a reaction out of me immediately, but I was completely incapable of giving it. My Ti needed to process. My Fe needed to be analyzed. I couldn’t just answer. I just wanted to be left alone so I could think.

In closing…

That got a little wordier than I expected. Once again, if any of you out there reading this want to submit your own experiences/struggles with your inferior function, that would be awesome. Ryan and I will probably be posting a general overview of the inferior functions here soon, but we would also like to build up a repository of practical and relatable information on this site, so feel free to submit something via email or perhaps ask some questions that we have not answered. Thanks for reading. 🙂