Misconceptions About Fe

Fe. The pushover. The doormat. The chameleon. Lacking Fi, which is apparently the only function capable of making anyone resolute in who they are, Fe users are willing to completely give up everything that makes them them for the sake of everyone else around them. Fe users don’t really have opinions, especially if those opinions contradict the opinions of someone else.  But hey, let’s say an Fe user does manage to form an opinion; they’re certainly not going to share that opinion and risk someone disagreeing with them… right?  -_____-

This kills me. I’m pretty sure people actually believe this. Perhaps they wouldn’t say it quite like I said it… because, you know, it sounds ridiculous. At least, I think it does. >.>

I watch people. People are amusing. People are interesting. People are other things as well, but I won’t go there. I’ve tried very hard to actually understand how real life people demonstrate the functions, especially since I know that people are way more complex than a single type description can contain. Fe is one function I’ve honed in on quite a bit. After all, I, as an ISTP, don’t have Fi. Does that mean I can’t have a sense of identity or moral code? No way. Of course, I’m a low Fe user, so I’ll move on from me and focus on the higher Fe users, who are the ones who really get attacked by this bad stereotype.

The Core of Fe

People forget that Fe is an extraverted judging function. Reread that sentence a couple of times if it’s failing to sink in properly. For starters, being an extraverted judger (or a J),  means an orientation toward manipulating the external world rather than understanding it.  Fe users are extraverted decision makers. The reason that perceivers usually seem less “judgemental” than judgers is because perceivers primarily use an introverted judging function… so their decisions will be overall more “private” and geared toward their internal mind than a J’s decisions. However, judgers, whether Te or Fe, are making external decisions with the intention of changing the world around them to better suit their needs. The Fe users just focus more on the people in the world.

Why the Stereotype?

Fe users focus in on the people around them: their emotions, their reactions, and etc. This means that Fe users may adjust themselves to fit in or meet the needs of someone else. In extreme, unhealthy case, Fe users may give up all sense of identity for the sake of making in their pursuit of pleasing others. However, as previously stated, this is extreme and unhealthy. Since I haven’t met a significant portion of the world’s population, I obviously can’t say for certain that the average Fe user will not be extreme and unhealthy in that way… but let me just say that I’ve already met several Fe users who are not that way.

Fe users (dom and aux) do tend to struggle with determining their own values and standards when confronted with a contradicting viewpoint. Maybe they’ll test it out, or swing back and forth on things for a while. Maybe. They will also probably be willing adapt to it if it does no harm and doesn’t directly contradict their own values. But, this does not mean that Fe users will give up their own personal values and fully conform to their new ‘environment’. They’ll make their own individual determination in time and respond accordingly, perhaps by leaving the social circle if  they are in disagreement with it.

The Reality of Strong Fe (Good and ‘Evil’)

I have met some very opinionated Fe dominants. How am I certain that they were Fe users? Because they were VERY emotionally expressive, naturally gathered people around them, seemed to connect to everyone, got caught up in the emotions of the moment, enjoyed playing match maker, honed in on others’ emotions, possessed a natural charisma or caretaker mentality, some were emotionally manipulative, and etcetera. Let me repeat my earlier statement: Fe is an extraverted judging function.

A ‘good’ Fe user desires to help people and maintain harmony with everyone around them. However, conflict is a natural part of life. Sometimes you have to face a difficult situation to achieve a long term, positive result. Good Fe users understand this. Good Fe users are willing to step into an uncomfortable situation and try to rebuke someone before they go too far off course and destroy their life. Good Fe is not just going to stand idly by and watch someone crash and burn, simply because they’re afraid they might get yelled at or be given a cross look. That’s just cowardly and stupid. Good Fe bases it’s opinions on what would ultimately be best for those around them. Good Fe will make the decision with the other person in mind, not supplanting their own thoughts and opinions onto the other person, but will rather try to see the situation through the eyes of the other person. Good Fe will share wise counsel and give good advice, no matter what the short term cost.

An ‘evil’ (yet still strong) Fe user sees those emotions in others, but rather then looking out for their well-fare, the user will manipulate the person for selfish reasons. Think cult leader. The Fe user will learn exactly what to say and do to get exactly what they want. The Fe user’s own true feelings will be masked as he/she plays a “game” with people for the sake of getting what he/she wants. Think con artist.

The Average Fe User

Here is where we split into two categories: dominant Fe and auxiliary Fe.

Dominant Fe

In my experience, the average dominant Fe user is quick to share an opinion with you. This is usually my first clue that I’m dealing with a J and not, say, an Fi dominant. (Fi dominants are very opinionated, but it shows up differently.) I’m not really big on people trying to tell me what I should or should not do. (ISTP, remember?) I was once planning a vacation, and telling my co-worker about it. I was stuck between a couple of different ideas. My ESFJ co-worker kept telling me what she thought I should do. It seriously felt like I was sitting next to a broken record at times. Every time I brought it up, she would give me her same exact opinion once again, even though I never actually asked for any kind of opinion. I was just trying to be sociable and friendly. Now, does it really matter if I decide to go to Portland, OR or Acadia National Park, ME? No. Not at all. But, clearly she had determined which one I would enjoy best.

I see similar patterns with other Fe dominants. I’ve seen Fe dominants who discover something that drastically improves their life, and they’re quick to share it with everyone, like a diet. One Fe user in particular that I know has always been quick to crusade for whatever diet fad she was currently locked onto. Sometimes it seemed to be the only thing she would ever talk about. I could produce more examples, but you get the point.

Before I close out this section, I’m going to address the doormat claim. There is some legitimacy to it, but it’s usually not what people seem to think it is. Fe dominants do tend to go all out for people. Some will toss their plans aside at a moment’s notice when anyone close to them cries out for help. Think bleeding heart. People around them will notice this tendency and will oftentimes take advantage of them, whether purposefully, accidentally, or subconsciously. As a result, many Fe users, as they mature, end up being forced to develop an inner resolve, allowing them to tell someone ‘no’ and just walk away. If they don’t, they will continue to be used by others and fail to take appropriate care of themselves. (This is not uncommon.) However, notice, that this has nothing to do with identity or opinions.

Auxiliary Fe

Auxiliary Fe is much quieter than dominant Fe. These Fe users tend to speak up less and keep their opinions to themselves in order to avoid conflict. In public, they’ll fit within the social structure as long as it doesn’t force them to go against their inner values, and they probably won’t say anything to cause unnecessary drama. This doesn’t mean they’re aren’t opinionated though. They’re just avoiding “pointless” conflict. However, I have seen auxiliary Fe users get so bothered by something that they did speak up and rebuke someone for a wrongdoing. It was usually done out of a protective instinct, for the sake of someone else. They may let you bash them and stay quiet, but watch out if you bash someone close them.

Of course, just because someone doesn’t speak up in public, it doesn’t mean they’ve conformed to the public opinion. Aux Fe users can be very opinionated at home, around family and close friends. (Just like everyone can be. >.>) I have family who are aux Fe users, and they have very strong opinions on the way things should be. Do they argue with me when my opinions contradict theirs? No, not usually. But I’ve heard the opinions. I’ve heard them stated quite bluntly too. Aux Fe users are definitely not beyond trying to enforce their own opinions on those close to them. I have seen it happen. Fe users possess an inherent clan mentality. They have a tendency to expect the entire family to be in agreement on things, and will struggle when this is not the case. After all, “we’re family.  How can you not agree with me?”

The doormat paragraph from the dominant Fe section can certainly apply to aux Fe users as well.

A Few Final Notes

I’ll probably write an article about this at some point, but I’ve seen people confuse the ENFP and the ESFJ. I, personally, have come across some ESFJs with very pronounced Ne, which obviously plays into this ENFP vs ESFJ confusion. In one particular instance, the person in question was noted to be very opinionated. Therefore, the person doing the typing “logically” declared that the person in question must be an ENFP, because of Fi values/judgementalness. This couldn’t be farther from the truth. Aux Fi users tend to be very easy going. Their opinions are their own. If you pin them down or hit up against a sore spot, you may see the Fi come out incredibly strong, but chances are they won’t be constantly declaring and enforcing their values and opinions. They’ll just go with the flow, let people think what they’re going to think, and just walk away when they disagree. ESFJs, however, since they’re leading with an extraverted judging trait, will usually be the opposite. They want to help you. O_O

That’s all I have on this subject for now though. Hopefully you found it somewhat helpful or, at least, somewhat interesting.