ISTJ/INTJ vs ISFJ/INFJ: Am I a Te or Fe auxiliary?

A little while back, I wrote an article on how to differentiate aux Ne from aux Se. The article seemed to attract a lot of attention so I thought I’d hit another relatively common typing dilemma in a similar fashion: aux Te vs aux Fe, or am I an ISTJ/INTJ or ISFJ/INFJ? This issue doesn’t seem quite as widespread, but I’ve discussed this subject with quite a few people who were waffling back and forth. Please approach this with an open mind because, similar to how the sensors tend make themselves intuitives, I’ve found that people who are uncertain on this point are frequently feelers. There is a huge misconception that thinkers are smarter than feelers, and that feelers are incapable of being logical and rational. Ergo, I’ve run into feelers who just don’t want to think of themselves as feelers. But, on the other hand, I have seen the opposite happen as well. Thinkers tend to be described as emotionless robots to such an extent that when some truly rational thinker out there is actually brave enough to recognize that he (or she) does indeed have emotions, he “logically” surmises that he must be a feeler. (Kudos to you, my friend.) If you’re struggling on this point, I hope you find the information below helpful.

Let’s clarify why an IXXJs might have this problem.

The answer is quite simple. IXFJs (along with the EXFPs) are the most thinking of the feelers, while IXTJs (along with the EXTPs) are the most feeling of the thinkers. Why is that? It’s because IXXJs have both of their judging functions sandwiched together in the middle of their function stack. Most of us are well aware of the tug-of-war between our dominant and inferior functions, because of the metaphorical (or literal) headache the conflict causes us. However, people aren’t always aware of the relationship between their two middle functions. Because they’re right next to each other, the two middle functions aren’t in constant conflict,  and usually, with maturity, learn to play nicely together. When that happens, we may become very aware of the role our tertiary function is playing, and may mistakenly believe we prefer it over our auxiliary. However, in reality, we’re just using our auxiliary function more subconsciously by this point… or have fallen prey to a loop, causing us to skip over our auxiliary function completely. Therefore, whether healthy or unhealthy, IXXJs may question their status as thinkers or feelers.

Before comparing tendencies… a quick note about Ni vs Si.

The below information was very tricky to write up because Si behavior sometimes appears Fe. I hate to phrase it this way, but Ni is a naturally more rebellious function. Ni analyzes the meaning of, for instance, a rule to determine it’s worth. Ni users will be prone to ignoring a rule that seems meaningless, and they may seek loopholes to excuse their behavior. Si values security because of the way they obtain and store information. Si users will naturally seem more cautious and careful, less prone to do anything in defiance of the social structure they exist within. But, in the case of an ISTJ, it will not be the result of Fe awareness, but rather to protect themselves from a bad situation or failure.

The Differences

1. Te/Fi is more aware of its own emotions, while Fe/Ti is more aware of other people’s emotions.

This is the basic difference between Fe and Fi. Fi users are emotionally introspective. Fe users pay attention to the emotions of others, and oftentimes mimic them. (IE: If you’re smiling, the Fe user will probably smile too.) Fe users may take longer to sift through their own emotions, while Fi users will struggle more to understand the emotional reactions of others, unless it is something that they can personally relate to (IE: because they’ve experienced it before).

2. Te/Fi refuses to be inconsistent with self, while Fe/Ti defines self through other people.

Since IXTJs only have tertiary Fi, this will surface as a “this is just who I am” mentality. They won’t have to dwell on it too long, or constantly re-evaluate themselves like the high Fi users. They will be stubborn and obstinate about what they will and will not do. They will hate acting in a way that is what they consider fake or not true to themselves. On the other hand, the IXFJs will naturally notice and pay attention to the emotional reaction’s of others. They may base their identity on how others view them, making them more willing to yield and do something to appease someone else. Please don’t take this to mean that they won’t have core values. They will just be more willing to do something out of character for the sake of someone else, to meet someone else’s social expectation or need. (Of course, you can take either type to an extreme and come up with something really negative to describe each. IE: IXTJs are complete and utter selfish jerks, while IXFJs are hopeless chameleons with no opinion of their own. But I highly doubt an extreme IXFJ or IXTJ would feel the need to be on this page.)

3. Te/Fi tends to incite conflict, while Fe/Ti tends to avoid conflict.

Both of the above statements were intended to be negatives, so don’t take them as constants. Let me explain more in depth. Thinkers are on average less bothered by conflict then the feelers, because the feelings of others are being prioritized lower. (Not always intentionally. Thinkers have to consciously run their thoughts through their feeling filter, whereas the feelers do this subconsciously.) So, with that being said, IXTJs will tend to be unaffected by conflict, or disharmony in their environment is less likely to affect them emotionally. Ergo, they may consciously or unconsciously provoke it. (Obvious exceptions may be if it’s really personal like within family or close friends… a healthy Te aux should be bothered by and feel the need to resolve conflict with someone that means a lot to them.). IXFJs, however, will focus more on maintaining harmony with those around them, and their emotional state will be more dependent on the emotions of those around them. They will either attempt to help resolve the conflict diplomatically or avoid the issue/situation entirely. An IXFJ will naturally struggle more with confronting conflict head on. Think of it kind of like.. Fe/Ti will avoid talking about the elephant in the room, especially if they know nothing can be done about it, while Te/Fi would rather just call it out.

4. Te/Fi is more unapologetic about their thoughts and opinions, while Fe/Ti is more diplomatic.

This extends off from the last point, but felt like it deserved to be a bolded statement. IXTJs will be more matter-of-fact and straightforward about their opinion and thoughts. They tend to sound certain and absolute in most things they say. They may seem harsh or be prone to accidentally offending someone. On the other hand, IXFJs may be more apologetic about what they’re saying or hesitant to speak up. This is because they want their opinions and thoughts to be validated and well-accepted. Remember, they’re acutely aware of the emotional response of others and fear emotional backlash. They’ll be naturally more careful about what they’re saying if there’s a possibility it’ll be misunderstood or taken badly. IXFJs are usually good at knowing when to exercise restraint or phrase things in a way that will soften the blow or be more readily accepted. Whereas, while IXTJs may be fully justified in what they’re saying or doing, they are more likely to unnecessarily offend someone or make a situation worse than it had to be due to insensitivity. NOTE: This section is partially why I wrote the Ni vs Si note above. ISTJs, because of Si dominance (or really bad Ne… however you want to look at it), may naturally fear the result of directly defying whatever authority they are under so they may restrain themselves more than an INTJ. Look carefully for Fe motivations to differentiate ISFJ from ISTJ.

5. Te/Fi holds itself to a very high standard, while Fe/Ti is more affected by the high expectation of others.

Fi users, even the IXTJs with tertiary Fi, have a tendency to be perfectionists to a certain degree because of a high self standard. They will feel like they’ve failed themselves somehow if they don’t meet that standard. IXFJs pay more attention to expectations laid on to them by others. They will be more prone to feeling like they’ve failed someone or something else. It could be a person or an organization, perhaps. NOTE: This is another area where the difference between ISTJ and ISFJ becomes murky. All Si users tend to be aware of social expectations for the sake of security so an ISTJ can easily adopt the view that failing the social expectation is failing their own internal Fi code. 

6. Te/Fi likes to think out loud, while Fe/Ti prefers to work things out in their head.

The IXTJs have an extraverted thinking trait.  This means they’ll tend to like explaining their reasoning out loud or working something out out loud. The IXFJs will be the complete opposite though. Ti users naturally struggle to explain their line of reasoning until it has been fully worked out inside their minds. The IXFJs may be hesitant to explain what they’re thinking, or they may only give you part of the story.

7. Te/Fi internalizes emotion, while Fe/Ti wants to externalize emotion

IXFJs will probably find it easier to sort through their emotions when they can discuss them. Don’t take this as a hard fast rule. When loops get involved, Fe will be smothered. IXTJs, on other hand, will, for the most part, keep it all in their head. They’ll only be willing to discuss their emotions with someone really close to them, and even that may be rare, depending on how developed their Fi is.

8. Te/Fi wants to get it done NOW, while Fe/Ti gives a more ‘slow and steady’ vibe.

Te values efficiency. IXTJs will want to get something done as quickly and effectively as possible. They’ll find the most direct route and take it (potentially bulldozing anyone in their way). IXFJs won’t seem as a concerned about that, as long as the task gets done when it’s supposed to be done.

9. Te/Fi attempts to control it’s physical environment, while Fe/Ti attempts to control it’s emotional environment.

IXTJs tend to be organized and structured. Everything has a place, and belongs in its place. Te is typically labelled as bossy because of this tendency. IXTJs, since they are introverted, probably won’t try to publicly control everyone. That behavior will be limited to more extreme cases, but will most likely stay within the circle of close friends and family. In public, they’ll be mostly concerned with controlling themselves or what is directly under their authority or ownership (like maybe their desk or inbox). Whenever IXFJs seem controlling, it will usually be on an emotional level. Fe users are prone to emotionally manipulate to make thing go their way. But on a more positive note, healthy Fe use will surface as striving to resolve a conflict for the sake of the emotional well-being of everyone involved. They will be the types that enjoy doing frequent, small acts of kindness, like bringing in cookies to the workplace or taking food to someone who is sick. Please don’t take this to mean that an IXFJ can’t be organized and disciplined. It’s a question of priorities or default focus. 

Both IXFJs and IXTJs can be emotionally subdued!

The IXTJ here needs no explanation as everyone accepts that they will be emotionally reserved. The IXFJs, however, can also come across as very T-like. This is for a couple of different reasons. One, they’re introverted. Two, their emotional focus is on others. While Fe users may oftentimes prefer to express their emotion or sort through their emotions externally, this is not always the case. Sometimes their Fe purely focuses on reading others and utilizing whatever information they gain. (Hopefully in a positive way.)  There’s one thing in particular you can look for though! An Fe user will naturally feel compelled to mimic the emotions of someone they are interacting with. For instance, if you smile as you’re saying something, the Fe user will also smile probably before they even realize what you’re smiling about. Act bummed and the Fe user will act bummed. On the other hand, while a Te user may respond with an appropriate statement and, depending on the situation may feel some sympathy, the Te user is unlikely to naturally feel compelled to mirror your emotional state. (Exceptions may occur if it’s someone really really close to them.)

That’s all I’ve got at the moment. I hope you found it useful. Let me know if you have any questions!